With the holidays fast approaching, many people have a greater concern than which tablecloth to use or which side dishes to serve. Many people are approaching the holidays knowing that this will be the first holiday without a loved one sitting across the table from them. Although, obviously, there is always a daily reminder when you lose a loved one - the holidays season seems to emphasis the loss because the holidays area a time for family and close friends. What can you do to help get through these difficult times? Here are some suggestions for you:

Make a Plan: You are changing even if you do not realize you are changing. The loss you experienced has created a vacuum in your daily life. In general, nature abhors a vacuum. Personally, we do not like a hole or space so we rearrange things to make us feel complete. This change occurs whether you want it to or not. What you can control however, is how you want that change to look, feel and act. Make a list of goals. And a list of what you have to do to obtain these goals?

Start Something New: When change occurs in your life it is a good time to try some new traditions. For example, if your husband always choose the tree, perhaps it's time to invite a teenage grandson to help carry on that tradition. Or perhaps a tree is too much for you this year - don't worry about that. Do what YOU feel comfortable with. Do what you want to do! And make sure you give yourself the gift of patience.

Rearrange Your Space: The New Year is a wonderful time to make changes - it is important to change your personal surroundings to reflect the internal changes occurring in your life. Take stock of your material possessions and remove the ones from your living space that no longer suit you or that you no longer need/use. Go through your husband's belongings and keep a few treasured items and then remove the rest from your space. This cleansing process might be difficult but it will help you grieve and eventually help to fill that empty space.

Decide Who You Are: No matter what our age we can always ask the question, "Who do I want to be now?" You are moving from a time in your life where decisions were decided as a "we" and not as an "I". How do "I" want to live? Where do "I" want to live? Who do "I" want as friends? How do "I" want people to see me now? What decisions do "I" need to learn to do that we used to make as a "we"? Small things can be as important as the big things.

Remember that you will be changing over the coming years. You do not have to be a passive observer to your own life. You do not need to feel like a victim because your husband (or wife) died but instead you can take the control seat. With each change you make the empty space will start to fade and it will, in some ways, seem smaller.

Since August of 2005, Jacobs Funeral Homes and Cremation Services, Inc. (with locations in Iron Mountain, Crystal Falls, Florence and Niagara) is the only area funeral home with an on-site Crematory to better serve the families of the community.  We decided that we needed to add a crematory at that time because of the national news reports of so many loved ones who had been denied the kind of respect and care they deserved and their families expected. We knew that in order to serve our families, we needed to be able to say to them that their loved one never left our care.

We ensure every family we serve that their loved one is in our care 100% of the time - not shipped to a crematory out of the area. We want to make sure that every family has peace of mind when it comes to the cremation of their loved one and never have reason to question the cremation of their loved one. We also have instituted a comprehensive identification system, so that no errors can be made as to the identity of your loved one.

We are members of CANA (Cremation Association of North America and licensed operators) and we follow the CANA Code of Cremation Practice. In the practice of cremation, we believe:

• In dignity and respect in the care of the deceased, in compassion for the living who survive them, and in the memorialization of life;
• That a Cremation Authority should be responsible for creating and maintaining an atmosphere of respect at all times;
• That the greatest care should be taken in the appointment of crematory staff members, any of whom must not, by conduct or demeanor, bring the crematory or cremation into disrepute;
• That cremation should be considered as preparation for memorialization;
• That the dead of our society should be memorialized through a commemorative means suitable to the survivors.

Here is a list of some things we think you ought to know about cremation:

Guidelines for Choosing a Cremation Provider

It is recommended that when you are arranging for a cremation, it be done prior to immediate need. This gives you the benefit of making arrangements without the pressure of time.

The first thing you need to do is to put your wishes in writing. In many states, you cannot authorize your own cremation and therefore the next of kin(s) must be in agreement if a cremation is to take place. You can check with a cremation provider as to whether your state allows self-authorization.

When choosing a cremation provider, here are some questions to ask:

1. Are they a member of the Cremation Association of North America? If not, do they adhere to a code of cremation ethics?
2. Do they perform their own cremations? If so, can you tour the cremation facility? If not, who does the cremations for them and where are they located?
3. Do they require the body be identified prior to cremation?
4. Can the cremation be witnessed by a family member or designated individual?
5. What is the average time between receiving the deceased and the completion of the cremation?
6. Do they have refrigeration facilities to hold the body prior to cremation?
7. What is the procedure to track the body through the cremation process and verify the identity of the cremated remains following cremation?
8. How are cremated remains returned if an urn is not provided prior to cremation? What is the policy regarding holding of the cremated remains after the cremation is completed?
9. What is their policy in regards to disposing prosthetics, artificial hips, knees, etc.?
10. Will they give you references of other families who have used their services?
11. Have their crematory operators been certified by a recognized organization, such as CANA, in the proper use of the cremation equipment and care of the body and cremated human remains?

We know that the choice between a traditional burial and a cremation is a very personal decision that needs to be discussed with family members. We would be very happy to discuss these options with you without any obligation.