Well, the holidays are over and we are all settling into a more "normal routine". This month I would like to take the opportunity to answer two of the more popular questions I am asked: How to discuss death with a child, and what options do I have if I choose cremation?

These articles were written by the NFDA (National Funeral Directors Association) and I hope you will find them very informative. But, remember if at any time you would like to personally ask me a question, please call or email me. I am always here to offer you the support you need. On behalf of my wife, Denise, and the staff at Jacobs Funeral Homes, I would like to wish you Peace and Joy this New Year!

Fondly,
Perry Jacobs

Q: Should children attend funerals?

Yes. Attending the funeral allows the child to be a part of the family at a time when they need love and attention the most. If the child is leery of the funeral, perhaps you can arrange a private moment before or after the service for the child to say goodbye. Or ask your funeral director if their facility has a playroom or lounge where that child could stay until the service is complete. The important thing is that the child is with friends and family and not isolated from the situation.

Q: How can I help a grieving child?

Here are five simple ways to help a grieving child:

• Be there for the child. Listen when they need to talk, and hug them when they need comfort.
• Share fond memories about the loved one with the child, and encourage them to share their own memories.
• Encourage the child to draw a picture or write a letter to their loved one. These items could be placed in the casket or displayed during the service. (If the service has already taken place, encourage the child to write their feelings in a private journal.)
• Frame a picture of the loved one for the child or give the child another memento to remember their loved one by (i.e. coins that were in their pocket, a favorite pin, etc.).
• Involve the child in the funeral. Let them read a poem or letter they have written, sing or play a song during the service, or even just attend the funeral with family and friends.

Q: How can we protect children from the loss?

It is impossible to protect children from the pain of losing someone they loved. Trying to hide the death from them will only delay their inevitable realization that the person is no longer a part of the child's life. It is better to include children in the mourning experience and teach them a healthy way to deal with their feelings.

As more people are choosing cremation, funeral service professionals are striving to give consumers a true sense of what their many options are for a funeral service. Often funeral directors find that people have a preconception that they have fewer choices for a ceremony when selecting cremation for themselves or a loved one. Therefore, they request direct cremation and deny the surviving friends and family an opportunity to honor them with a memorial service. In actuality, cremation is only part of the commemorative experience. In fact, cremation can actually increase your options when planning a funeral. The following information is meant to help you build an understanding of what cremation is, allowing you to make an informed decision when arranging a funeral for yourself or a loved one.

Cremation is becoming increasingly popular, especially amongst the baby boomer generation. Among the many reasons for this growing trend is the breadth of options cremation provides for a final memorial service.

Cremation gives people the flexibility to search for types of tributes that reflect the life being honored. But this doesn't mean that aspects of traditional funeral services have to be discarded. Even with cremation, a meaningful memorial that is personalized to reflect the life of the deceased could include:

• A visitation prior to the service
• An open or closed casket
• Special music
• A ceremony at the funeral chapel, your place of worship or other special location
• Participation by friends and family

Commonly, cremated remains are placed in an urn and committed to a family burial plot; an indoor or outdoor mausoleum or columbarium; or included in a special urn garden. Cremation also gives families the option to scatter the remains. This can be done in a designated cemetery garden or at a place that was special to the person. Today, cremated remains can even become part of an ocean reef or made into diamonds.

Whatever you choose, cremation or burial, traditional services or contemporary celebrations, your NFDA funeral director is here to help you.